11 August 2006


We Interrupt This Holding Pattern...

Reality, in the form of crazy Islamacist yahoos with explosive-filled sports bottles and disposable cameras -- or iPods, even -- has intervened. And reality deserves comment.

(1) Why all the concern by media and Washington types over whether this was an al Qaeda operation or an isolated cell? Surely we've learned that isolated cells, independent of some central control, actually are capable of these kinds of operations. And if we haven't learned that, then we need to give ourselves a large swift kick in the ass.

Could it be that, like the changes we introduced in Iraq, complete with the premature announcement of "Mission Accomplished" as W purportedly landed his own self onto the deck of whatever aircraft carrier it was just a few weeks after the fall of Baghdad, that al Qaeda just might not have been put out of commission as thoroughly as they should've been? That the current President is incompetent and incapable, and deserving of censure, if not outright impeachment?

(2) Still, like a stopped clock, a lying SOB like Bush occasionally tells the truth. (Unlike a stopped clock, it's probably not as frequently as twice a day.)

There are Islamacists who are about as close to fascists as any other people on this planet at this time. What's the big deal with referring them to "Islamic fascists"? Nowhere in there is any implication that *all* Muslims are fascists. Not a bit. People who can't make the distinction between Islamic fascists and Muslims who aren't facists probably don't have the compute power to get the subtleties among "Islamic fascist," "Islamacist fascist," "Islamofascist," and any other turn of phrase to capture the essence of those who are trying to kill us, anyway, so where is the offense? Would "Islamacist yahoos" as I used it above be any less offensive to those complaining about "Islamic fascists"? I'm skeptical that it would be.

(3) Here's what to do while on Orange Alert:

So we’re on Orange Alert. So what, you ask? Some of you may not remember exactly how we’re supposed to act on Orange Alert. Do we wear orange shirts, or say “orange you gonna eat that pickle?” or buy more oranges at the supermarket? No, no, no. Orange Alert is all about Americans striking the right tone of fear, so we can wig each other out to maximum effect. Here are just a few ways you can help your neighbor feel just a bit more anxious:


2. Furrow Your Brow. I know, you’re thinking about whether you’d rather have Cheerios or Honey Nut Cheerios with tomorrow’s breakfast. But in these times all good citizens are thinking, hard, about how things will never, ever be the same again. So think “dead babies, dead babies, dead babies,” and furrow that brow.


4. Say “Now More Than Ever” a lot. It’s like a get-out-of-jail-free card in monopoly, except this is real: anything you say preceded by “Now more than ever…” is automatically true in an Orange Alert. Try it: it really works, especially if you add “or the terrorists win” at the end.

5. Dismember Irony. Remember how right after the attacks of September 11, 2001, they said “Irony is dead”? Well, how ironic, ’cause we’ve got to kill it again. This time, with a shovel, and then a wood chipper.


Via Irregular Times, where you can get your "Had Enough? Vote Democratic" bumper sticker.

Had Enough? Vote Democratic

Hm - I once entertained the thought of using points one through four to bait the people next door, when I figured out their politico-religious leanings.

As it is, I almost never see them; they avoid (and neglect) my side of their house.

Silly little selfish Re-thugs.
Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?